In Family We Trust

Maurice Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are is a favorite book of mine. This is a simple story of a boy who realizes his need for family and belonging. Around here family is religion.  Family is the underlying meaning for everything we do.  The last 24 hours, like the 'wild rumpus', started me thinking. 
The weekend started with a wedding shower in the church basement. It is a church/community event celebrating and laying claim to the newly weds and the continuing of family traditions. There is a bridal party, head table, devotional, comic relief and choir.  I watch ladies dance around in hairnets before serving us a brunch.  I am entertained, but feel oddly out of place.  I sit with my mother-in-law, because I am not related to the bride, neither do I fit into any of the other family units.  No men are invited, my sons are away at college and my family lives mainly overseas. 

Home barely long enough to wrap a present, I set out for a birthday party I am slightly more excited to attend.  It is a first birthday for my niece's first son, and my sister-in-law's first grandson. I am anticipating a relaxed affair with good food and a darling baby boy.  I am more comfortable here because this is my family and I have every right to be proud of this new life.  To make the party more worthy of a one-year-old, several friends with young children have been invited.  And each child is so loved, honored and idolized.  I remember the words of the devotional earlier, a mother's heartfelt message of wanting only to be a mother, and now a grandmother, and how in achieving this dream she is blessed.  Now I am a mother of three, but they are not present, nor married, nor interested in providing me with grandchildren.  I'm fine with that, ... until I see the obvious difference between me and other families as a deficiency. 

Families that grow old together, multiply and gather to celebrate,  are what makes this small farming community thrive.  We do our best to keep our children nearby and sit together in church.  On Sunday the birthday boy keeps us entertained all the way through the sermon, which likened a new birth to a piece of heaven on earth. We then trooped down into the basement once again to honor the high school seniors. I must point out that few of them actually attend church, but they come from church families who are doing their bit to keep the young from scattering.  Many will stay to work on the family farm or at least come back to have their newborns baptized.   The notice board in the church entry proudly displays all the babies and their families. 
This is just the start of the season of celebrations.  Families will entertain at their homes and everyone will attend.  You hear, "He's a good boy.  He comes from a good family." These people live together, do business together and fight to make a viable living in rural small town America.  More than anything they honor those who have not left, moved on, or turned their back on their family roots.

I do not see myself following this 'religion'.  My sons will not settle down in a small town or buy a house near mine.  I will never teach in the local school or be a Sunday school teacher again. My part in this community is tenuous at best, because I have no children or grandchildren here. And every day I am reminded in someway that I have roots elsewhere, family across the sea and dreams that go beyond the confines of a family home. But, like Max, after sailing
"... off through night and day, and in and out of weeks, and almost over a year..."  I will end up coming home to Minnesota.

Lambs and Lions

"In like a lion and out like a lamb", (or vice versa) could be used to describe all of March, April and May in Minnesota.  Spring is a season of contrasts.  Last week I was planting flowers while it was snowing 9 inches in Duluth.  We enjoy the bright green and fresh bulbs, and then wake up to sleet, howling winds and flooding.  The black fields, looking like newly vacuumed carpets, are edged with grassy banks.  The hawk builds its nest in the bare tree top.  The dogwood puts out impressive blooms while there is still frost on the roofs.
It is impossible to plan, to predict the changes.  The weather is all over the place and the danger of frost and freezing rain curbs plans for outdoor activities.  I couldn't resist buying some plants and putting them in the ground.  The ones in pots are not doing well, so maybe I should have waited another two weeks.

And when I am checking for signs of life on my lavender, I notice weeds flourishing.  I am hesitant to make a ruling on my grape vines.  Either the rabbits or the long hard winter have taken them down.  Jon is anxious to rip them out and replace them, but I'm giving them another few weeks to show change.
Spring is a busy time as we navigate through all the changes taking place.  We are cleaning up and clearing out the old, making ready for the new.  We make plans for the future while finishing out our present in neat and tidy goodbyes.  One school year comes to an end, but before it does we must plan and provide for the next.  We celebrate changes through graduation parties and family reunions.
My youngest son is finishing up his first year of college.  He is busy deciding on courses and a major for next year, finding an advisor, choosing a new roommate, applying for summer jobs, all the while studying for exams and presenting end of year projects.  It seems unfair to expect so much to happen in so short a time. Do we cram all this into spring just so we can relax all summer? We tackle the lion so we can lie down with the lamb.

Many businesses are rolling out their new spring look, hoping the change will catch our attention.  I hear one ad on the radio say, "Change is always good, right?"  Which made me think.... Is change always good?  The problem is that we just don't know the outcome, whether the change is for the better or for the worse.  We hope for a better future but are fearful of making a mistake.  I have come to accept change as an opportunity to reevaluate my choices, and assess which choices worked well and which should not be repeated, or should even be reversed.
And so we come to spring cleaning... deciding what needs to change and acting on it.

Should we consider a change of career? Strive to lose a few pounds? Move or remodel our home? Take a trip? Write a book?  The answer to all is "yes"!  You will either feel fulfilled, or you will find out what isn't for you... yet.  I still remember when, at the age of 7, I couldn't decide what I wanted.  My mother wisely suggested we flip a coin.  I complained that I might not like the outcome. To which my mother replied, "Then you will have found what you really want."