Nothing to Report

Spring Break has come and gone.  We didn't travel anywhere exotic and therefore, have no stunning facebook posts.  We didn't even get a day off work, as we are making up for lost snow days.  There isn't much snow left on the ground, just a few dirty piles, but no new green growth either. The wind is chilly, meaning we are still wearing our winter woolies.  The ice on the lake is hanging on and we will have to wait a few more weeks for Easter to roll around this year.
Normally our school year overseas would include a spring break and everyone would head to the airport.  In Kuwait teachers would take any plane flying just to get out of Kuwait. But it was relatively easy to get from there to Africa, Europe or the Far East.  And the simple act of taking off on that long awaited vacation made the job worthwhile.  When in Europe we didn't even have to wait for a week long break.  Three days is all you need for a quick trip to Paris or Budapest.  We would often combine trips with a quick visit to see family in London.

My Easter holidays during college were awkward times when I had to leave my dorm without having the resources to get home to Brazil.  I spent my time in someone's spare bedroom, ate creme eggs, and studied.  Traveling was out of the question then because I had no money, and the weather was still cold. 
I had hardly more money when living in Brazil, but managed to travel on a budget anyway.  My only destination... the beach where I could find a little bit of paradise, and a sailboat. Once we had the sailboat, we couldn't justify staying at home whenever we had a holiday.  This became more and more of a dilemma as the family grew.  I secretly wondered if it would be more relaxing to stay home with the boys in diapers.

I still enjoy following friends' travels on facebook.  I see them in Morocco, Nepal, China and Japan. Those images used to fill me with anticipation and a desire to make those my next destinations.  I would start planning the trip in my mind.  Now I appreciate the photography without the same longing.  They are not part of who I am at the moment. They still spark gratitude and appreciation for all the chances I have had to visit the world outside Minnesota.  I see how those visits were inspiration for my thoughts through my travel blogs.  Ironically, now that I am itching to write, I have nothing to report.

Well... here is my news. I work with students who continue to delight me every day. The weather has warmed up enough to melt most of the snow and my rhubarb is starting to poke up.  Three sons remembered to phone me on my birthday, and two of them made it home for a visit last week. One son just got back from California, and another is in Chicago for the weekend.  My mother and brother are taking a short trip to Brazil, briefly visiting my other brother who lives in Sao Paulo.  We are all starting to make plans for the summer and every day I see another sign of spring.  First it was the return of the robins, now the tips of the tulips and lilies showing up in the muddy beds.  Until the weather warms up enough to work outside, I am cleaning the inside of the house with the expectation that someone will be traveling my way for a visit some time soon.

Now That's Entertainment

We still have piles of snow around the house and the temperature is below freezing.  Jon buys us tickets to a local fundraiser for the local school held in the bus garage.  I think, "No way, I'll stay in tonight."  But it is a good school, and a good cause, so guilt gets me out of the house.  The theme is "Country" which means come dressed in jeans and boots.  I have never seen so much flannel in one place, paired with down vests.  Although this is everyday wear, some guests don't want to be cheated out of the chance to dress up.  There are several overalls, coveralls and one couple in full Amish traditional dress. 

The first item of business is the silent auction.  I am new to this business and get quite carried away.  I find myself bidding on everything from homemade jam and pickles, electronics and a pedicure.  I remind myself that I never win anything and go around again, upping my bids.  When I meet up with Jon by the Walking Taco Bar, I find that he has been talked into buying half a hog.  Many of the baskets in the auction were donated by people I knew, and I did find myself feeling sorry for those with low bids.
I ended up with two lots much to my husbands despair: a set of building blocks and Thing 1&2 knitted hats.  I reminded him that it was all for a good cause, but I secretly realized that bidding is so much more fun when you actually end up with the prize. 
The bus garage is not a cheerful location and not much had been done to fancy it up.  There was no lack of cheer however, as there was a bar. I am not a beer drinker so I ordered wine.  It did come from a bottle, but was poured into a plastic cup.  The room was wall to wall people, standing, talking and drinking.  I could hardly weave my way across to the bar. 

This changed as the entertainment started up.  Two guitarists played loud tunes that echoed across the room.  Some danced, other tried to shout over the din.  I found conversation impossible and wandered over to the stage.  A character straight out of "The Witness" was strutting his stuff in a form of rhythmic gymnastics.  We laughed and then cringed when a shy young man attempted the same.  We were enjoying the sight, while appreciating the fact that it wasn't us up there twirling the ribbons. And when the band started playing "FOOTLOOSE" I suddenly knew I was in a scene from a movie, far from my usual entertaining pastimes.
In the end I was glad I went, just like I am glad I make the effort to go to the gym.  In the winter of Minnesota, there is a need to force yourself to go out just for a change of scene.  It is a smart community that realizes that we all need that push to get up off the couch, meet face to face, spend some money and act a little silly.  And you can't wait till Spring arrives to get something done...

When You're Glad You're Home

Pictures and dates remind me of pleasant times and breathtaking places. This photo was taken early March upon arriving in London to visit my mother.  The flowers were so unexpected. They remind me of a place with milder weather, family and opportunities to travel. But I am here in Minnesota and I sit looking out at the approaching snow storm.  The snow is deep from the last storm and the wind is already howling. Why wouldn't I wish I was abroad, traveling the world, leaving the interminable cold behind?  Something happened this week that made me realize that even now, midwinter, I am better off right here.

It was early evening, still barely light, and I had to run a quick errand out to the family farm.  I hadn't been that way since all the snow changed the landscape so drastically, and I had difficulty seeing my turn before it was too late. I remembered not to slam on the brakes, and just slowed down at the side of the road to turn around.  Only it wasn't the side of the road, but a deep gully full of snow.  I slid into the snow covered ditch and was stuck.  When I realized what had happened I took a breath and started to review my options.  Before I could even get out my phone a car passed and stopped ahead of me.  It was my brother-in-law's girlfriend on her way home.  She laughed and told me what to do.  Before I could even consider calling for help, my father-in-law drove up in his truck.  He told me to jump in, and drove me to my sister-in-law's place, where he picked up a tow rope and some help in the form of my nephew.  So I waited in the warm farm house kitchen while my van was pulled out of the deep snow.  Then I was able to drive home.... after thanking my extended family....

How could I have gotten out of that scrape so easily?? No getting stranded; no urgently calling everyone I know for help; no panicking.  You see, when this sort of thing has happened to me in other countries it has been a cause for me to feel the clouds of doom descend and hopelessness sits in.  Even if I can speak the language, I don't know where to look, who to ask.  I am dependent on someone to take pity on me and help, and there is usually no one there. I feel alone.  I try to help myself, but I don't have the skills, or the presence of mind to think clearly.  Anxiety can cripple a person, and unexpected difficulties can feel like physical pain. 

You might wonder why I continued to travel, sometimes alone, for years while I struggled with this anxiety.  I was able to hide it behind the beautiful scenes and exciting posts of my blog. People believed I was living a dream, footloose and fancy free.  But the truth was less glamorous.  When the struggle became too much and threatened to overwhelm me, I simply moved on.  By leaving the past behind, I could prevent anyone from finding out how much help I really needed.  When you move, you make new friends, you portray yourself differently and seek out a new doctor. And each time  I would hope that a new place would bring a change for the better.