Home for Christmas

My parents always worked hard to make Christmas at home each December, despite the fact that it was the middle of summer. We did all the usual baking, shopping and decorating; then eating and silliness. These traditions defined Christmas for me growing up: the full house, the music, the party.  As my brothers and I left home, it became harder and harder to be together as a family at Christmas. In those days travel was expensive, so we found a substitute family with whom to spend the holidays. It was never quite the same.

As a mother I realized that it was now up to me to create Christmas traditions.  That is when I started feeling the pressure to deliver.  I must not only roast a turkey, cook all the sides, but bake creative and delicious cookies as well. My house must be decorated wall to wall, and presents had to be bought. The gifts stressed me the most, as I had no idea what other people actually wanted.  I would spend days planning all the details, hunting for ingredients, and still feel like Christmas fell flat.
I realized that it wasn't just Christmas time, it was any social get together. Friends started to notice how I never invited anyone over. I was relieved to find myself abroad, where I didn't have to make entertain, put in all the work only to be disappointed in the outcome.

For the same reason I always found an excuse not to throw big birthday parties for my boys.  What if no one showed up? Life can be very limiting when you are constantly in fear of disappointment.
It wasn't until we moved back into our house in Minnesota, that I realized that I hadn't been trying to make Christmas, I had been trying to make a 'home'.  Something I had had in my childhood, then lost.
Now that I am home, I enjoy the atmosphere of being home.  I have no need to go out looking for obscure ingredients to make fancy dishes that no one much likes. I no longer try to fill the place with presents that no one much needs or wants. I no longer feel guilty on spending far too much on decorations that mean so little.
I do bake mince pies, because that is what we like.  I make sure the turkey is BIG, and forget about the beets and Brussel sprouts. I spend time shopping with my boys, rather than for them. I count the minutes and seconds until they come home, and am so grateful they are home.

Lastly, and this is the biggest change... I invite anyone and everyone over!  I have found my home again.

Merry Christmas and come over any time of year!